Going deep..

Det er over midnatt og 3 desember!! Sykeste!! =P Og det SNØR!!! Her! I krsand! Tar helt av!! Det har til og med lagt seg snø i veien!! Sier bare: WOW! =P

Så var kvelden over, og har vært hos Hanna og sett film sammen med Hanna, Ina og Silje... Utrolig kos!! =) Vi endte opp med å se Love actually i tillegg til Holiday, så ble litt julefilmer da ja... Skikkelig kjærlighetskveld. Måtte sende Silje på butikken for å kjøpe mer sjokolade før vi satt på Love actually, for det går ikke an å se sånn film uten sjokolade tilgjengelig!! Så når vi kom ut og skulle gå hjem var det ikke noen antydning til noe ekstremt snøvær akkurat, men etter noen meter og en sving var det nesten full storm av vrimlende snøting som pisket oss i ansiktet.. =P Utrolig kos! Om noen hadde sett meg og Ina da så måtte de nok sett litt rart på oss.. Smilte og klappet i hendene over at snøen er her, og fram med mobilene og ta masse bilder og tegne hjerter med skoene i snøen og ta bilde av det også! =P Nå går vi lysere tider i møte! Hehe..

So to the deeper part of the blog.. Discussed it with Ina on our way home that when I really want to express myself, I tend to do it in english.. Somehow it sounds better, and I find it easier to put my feelings into words in english than in norwegian. Kind of strange, but that's justt the way it is..
Walking home from this movie night, I have to say, I love the sound of the snow kind of crunching under my shoes when I walk. In a weird way it reminds me of horses, but I have no idea why..
I've been thinking a lot lately! Seriously, a lot!! Way too much actually.. And sometimes when I do, I feel like one of the main parts in Holiday.. All I want to do is cry, but no matter how hard I try I just can't.. When I think about it (again, thinking..) I'm not sure I can remember the last time I cried.. Which really sucks, I have to say..
Well, I have started to figure things out, and I think I know what I want, but it doesn't exactly make things less complicated, in fact I feel like everything nowadays is just too complicated for me to handle right now. I am supposed to be forcusing on reading to my last exam, and here I am, thinking, wondering trying to cry and get out some of this stuff built up inside of me, but nothing really helps... I have no clue what to do anymore..
So I looked at some drafts on my phone when I got home, and one of them really touched me.. It's short and easy, but it says so much of where I am at this point: "So I praise God and I ask Him. For whom else than He can mend this broken heart of mine".
My heart isn't really broken, at the moment, but if things turn out the way I think the will, it will be soon.. But not yet.. So I kind of just walk around waiting for the conversation to pop up, and until then I walk around thinking all the time, about everything.. Wanting to cry, but not being able to get anything out.
Life, and particulary love, sucks right now..
I feel so good, and can have the greatest time when I'm with my friends, and I love it! But as soon as I'm by myself and start thinking, it's like all that joy just disappears in a nano second.
Normally music always helps me in some one, it makes me cry or laugh, or feel better.. But now, not even music helps. And I don't know what to do.
Another thing is that I can't remember the last time I prayed.. :/ I feel that I'm kind of drifting slowly away from God, without wanting it myself and can't really help it, trying to do something about it, but fail.
Well, that's my deeper miserable side for the day.. Probably more to follow..

out..